The Rabbi of Rhomboids

Shalom Jews and Gents! It’s your girlfriend’s favorite convert, aka Chocolate Challah, aka my Solomon is black and my Tzitzit is blue, aka Samson’s Son, aka Bruchalic, aka 5 slaps and a thunderclap coming at you for the first time.

So, down to the biz of the day. What does Samson’s Son have to say? What wondrous words of prose does Bruchalic have to place in your dome? I don’t know, but what I do know is the masses are clamoring for something new so I guess this will be for social satire and commentary on the daily dos (Yes dos- don’t make me pull back my Torah hand) and don’ts that go on in these walls.

For starters, lets go in about the new cafeteria cuisine.

Now we all love a little change especially when it comes with some good food. Granted the pasta game has stepped up just a bit—you still need to throw that dish in the Dead Sea to get some flavor, but after that it’s good to go!

But the Rabbi of Rhomboids has a problem: how you gonna offer me pizza at lunch for however many shekels, when I can cop that for free at a club meeting? That ain’t Kosher, ya mean! That’s like bringing a Ham sandwich to a bris!

Not to mention Eliyahu’s Own just ain’t down with them calzones. Again, how much cheese and undercooked dough can you throw at me! We ain’t in Egypt. Ain’t no pharohs to fear around here. We ain’t doing a Pesach reenactment. You can take your time and cook it all the way through!

Don’t even get me started on the falafel! You could throw them down our broken elevator shafts and they wouldn’t break! Moses could smite them with the illest of anger and wouldn’t get a drop of liquid out! (Can he say that? Smack, Smack, Smack, Smack cue the thunder…) Yes I can say that! (He forgot a…Smack!!! Thought I forgot, huh?)

The Dominator of Damascus also has beef (Unlike the cafeteria. Yes, the Ram of Ruth knows not to mix the meat and dairy, but can I get a meat station on the other side of the cafeteria or something?! *Pause*) with the no bagels after breakfast policy. What the Melekh of Muscle is trying to convey here is he doesn’t like the change.

Not bad for the first piece, (Yo, he didn’t even offer a solution…oh no not the…Smack, Smack, Smack, Smack, Smack cue the thunder) but if Bruchalic is going to keep this up he’s going to need a little assistance.

Hit me up with a topic and I might let you hear what you want to hear…the sweet sound of 5 smacks and a thunderclap aka My Solomon is black and my Tzitzit is blue, aka Samson’s Son aka Bruchalic, aka Chocolate Challah aka the Ram of Ruth aka your girlfriend’s favorite convert.

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